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A Dad's Point of View: Taking Risks: When, How, and If We went on a family skiing trip recently and on my son?s first run of the season, he fell and broke his arm. Thankfully, it was a clean hairline fracture and he should heal just fine. It may take his ego a bit longer to recover, as he was trying to follow his girlfriend when he fell. He recuperated and relaxed at the condo while the rest of our group continued to ski and enjoy the trip. I resumed my regular skiing antics which include doing tricks that are mostly done by kids half my age or younger.
Lots of sports have risks attached to them. When, as a parent, should we limit our kid?s activities and when should we show restraint? I do enjoy pushing my limits on skis, as I do tricks in the terrain park on the half-pipe (see attached photo), jumps, boxes, as well as hard mogul and/or steep runs. I?ve also gone heli-skiing where there is the omnipresent danger of avalanches.
In fact, the first time I went heli-skiing, back in the day before the Internet or personal computers existed, I was caught in an avalanche, broke a rib, and had to be flown out the next day.
Last season, I inexplicably fell in the half-pipe and woke up in a ski gurney with a patrol-person holding up fingers and asking me, ?how many.? I was knocked unconscious and, to this day, I still don?t remember exactly what happened. I dislocated my shoulder from landing literally upside down and I broke a couple bones in my shoulder, as well as had a concussion in spite of wearing a helmet.
My neurologist said I was lucky as my MRI was worse than patients of his with genuine brain damage. And, yes, I was wearing a helmet.
Am I being irresponsible doing these things? My wife thinks I am and should ?slow down.? I maintain that there are worse and greater risks just driving the freeways, and that being in good shape has allowed me to survive my few accidents relatively unscathed. Okay, she still maintains that my last fall only aggravated existing brain damage (just joking).
So, if we are not to be hypocrites in front of our kids, what are the risk limits? I assert that there are things that are too dangerous and shouldn?t be done by any family members--drugs, drinking, parachuting, motorcycles, bungee jumping, hang-gliding, and calling a woman a ?girl.?
I have always maintained that our kids see what we do and our role modeling is their teacher, much of the time. Therefore, it behooves us to also realize that the risks we take may encourage them to take similar or different ones.
Will and David are not particularly athletic, as David enjoys and excels at art while Will is a remarkable rock ?n? roll musician, playing drums, guitar, and singing. Naturally, with this current injury, he?s sidelined for a while and has in fact stated that he may not bother snowboarding again due to its risk to his ability to play music. His interest was always negligible. David, on the other hand, does enjoy skiing, and is following in my footsteps as he gradually is improving and beginning to want to do the same ?tricks? that I do. He stated, on this trip, that he hopes to jump higher and get ?more air? in the pipe than I do. I replied that I hope he does.
When I was a teen, I wanted a motorcycle more than I wanted a girlfriend. And, believe me, my hormones were in full gear so the desire for a girlfriend was strong. My parents forbade any discussion of a motorcycle. As I believed I was invulnerable and accidents only happen to other people, I was angry and wouldn?t let up in my pleas to get one. They held their ground and I respect their position especially knowing how fervent I was in trying to persuade them otherwise.
Now, as is so often the case, I?ve become my parents and hold the same line on motorcycles and other things that I perceive to be too dangerous. We witness our neighbor?s son regularly riding his motorcycle around the neighborhood, popping wheelies, and rarely wearing his helmet. I?ve spoken with his father, who insists that his son wear the helmet, and punishes him for a day or so each time he learns he isn?t wearing one. But, his teen is back out there soon riding around without the helmet. I no longer inform his dad as it?s clear that his ground rules are much more lenient than mine. For me, if I allowed my boys to ride a motorcycle, they?d get one warning if I found them without a helmet. After a second warning, their bike would be sold.
I?m grateful that my sons are not pushing me about motorcycles the way I pushed my parents. I?m happier to provide a drum set (I can wear ear-plugs), new guitars, and all the art supplies they want. In the meantime, I?ll still be doing the pipe, taking my calculated risks, and supporting my sons in making those decisions for themselves within safe parameters.
Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad?s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his ?A Dad?s Point-of-View? fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.
Ok, I was just trying to be funny and it is not really working. I have a much harder time being serious, but this is a topic I have to give a reality check to. There is always tons and tons of talk, dialogue, controversy and strong opinions about breastfeeding. And there are certainly more than just two sides and two points of view when it comes to this conversation. Big Dub and I have been going strong for 10 months now and it has been a topic as of late because he is coming up on his one year.
This entire 10 months I have struggled with breastfeeding, sometimes loving it and other times hating it. I have struggled with being the only one who can soothe him, get him back to sleep, with him refusing a bottle and making it very difficult for me to leave him 2 1/2 days a week. I have struggled with breast feeding in public and how, when, if we should even attempt to cover up (Dub has solved that one for us, he does not allow any discreet nursing). I have felt too needed and too pawed at, too tired and too thirsty.
And I have loved every second of being with my son, providing him with the nurturing that he needs.
When we started breastfeeding I was committed to the first year, hands down. I?m cheap and I was not interested in buying formula. After breastfeeding him for a few months, doing more research and really getting in the groove, I decided I was comfortable nursing him until he?s 2, if he decided he would continue that long.
Now that we are coming up on the one year mark, I am starting to get the ?oh, you are still breastfeeding?? and ?how much longer are you going to nurse him?? etc. I have not been prepared for those comments in the least and have not been prepared to have to defend my decision to continue breastfeeding. I have been more interested in the topic as of late, thus have come across more blogs, comments, research, etc. and all of it supports my want, and instinct, to continue breastfeeding him.
Recently, in the emotional height of the sleep struggle, I was told (very lovingly) by a family member that Big Dub is ?taking advantage? of me because he wants to nurse every 45 minutes to two hours at night. I was told that it is probably time for me to dry up. I admit that I went home and cried, thinking that it was time to dry up, that we made it this long, but at some point mama has to sleep in order to be a good mama at all. I told my husband tearfully that it was time to start weaning, then sniffled some more and told him ?but I?m just not done yet, I?m not ready? and he said ?but you got to for 10 months, think about so and so who wasn?t able to breast feed at all?? and then he said he just did not understand why I would be sad about weaning him. He did not say that in a negative sense, but in a ?that?s just not something I will ever understand because I will never give birth to a child? kind of way.
It was at that moment that I came to my senses. I am not done yet. Big Dub IS NOT DONE YET. That is for sure. I realized that disassociating midnight nursings with sleeping has to happen (although we have been working on that for months and he just has not taken well to it), but that does not mean that I have to be done nursing him. And I realized that weaning him would not make him sleep through the night, he will continue to wake up as often as he wishes and he will sleep through the night when he decides to, he has made that abundantly clear.
I read on a website that a well known author on sleep and baby (or parent) training says that breastfeeding after a year is for the mom, not for the baby. I can say that there is a part of me that agrees with that; I am just starting to feel really comfortable with breastfeeding, with not covering up, with nursing anywhere and anytime and I feel strongly about continuing to be an advocate and that includes nursing my son past one. Maybe it is just to prove a point, something I am a huge fan of and have a tendency to do in all areas of my life.
But more than proving a point, it?s because I simply can?t imagine weaning him. If he self-weaned I?d be ok, forsure, and I would celebrate with a night out with the girls and one too many martini?s? But I can tell you that he is not done and (maybe especially after the sleep struggles we have had) I am not going to fight him on this one.
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STORIES OF TRIALS, TRIBULATIONS, LAUGHTER AND HYSTERIA. POOR BIG DUB, YOU GOT ME FOR A MAMA...
I'm just and average mama who's not afraid to say all the things you know you are thinking. Or just not smart enough to keep my mouth shut.
Knitting Therapy I am pretty new in this craft of knitting. There is so much to learn. I am not sure what path I want to take. I have found resources for those into the creation of fibers - spinning, weaving, hand dying yarn etc. The other group loves to create different patterns, some do it for the simplicity.
I have found myself interested into all three different areas. I love seeing new yarns and seeing how they make up into a piece. The styles, types of yarns, textures, colors, and the different ways each can be done is so exciting. I go crazy in a yarn shop! Try it sometime, walk around and just feel the soft cashmere, silk, bamboo and fun fur. Then add the bright colors, mixed colored yarns and cool hand dyes. I also tend to love the sparkly, beaded and sequined yarn. There is something for everyone! Each time I feel a new yarn, my brain goes into overdrive creating pieces in my head for each type of yarn.
Because of my love for new creations, the drive to try new patterns kicks in each time I finish a project. I find that as I am adding the finishing touches to a piece, my mind wanders to the next creation. The complexity of new patterns motivates me. I have been knitting for only two years, but I have been doing more complicated patterns from the beginning. I love to see a cable pattern come out perfectly. Nothing compares to the feeling of satisfaction when I tackle and complete a complicated lace, celtic knot, flower, or scalloped edge. I made a beret with some lace pattern detail for my little girl. Pretty awesome feeling when someone mentions the hat and how they like it. I am proud of my little girl and I love showing her off in my creations.
The above reasons for my knitting can make my task a little daunting at times. When I find myself overwhelmed with life, I don't want to make any decisions about my craft. Those days are when I can appreciate the simplicity of knitting. I can knit a stockinette stitch over and over to relax my mind. The feeling of satisfaction comes from watching the piece grow. Great little stockinette hats are good for this type of knitting. Because of the versatility of knitting, when I get that urge to add some bling I can embroider it, add a ribbon or pom pom.
Knitting is so peaceful. I think about women sitting together in rocking chairs, sharing their lives, their creations and friendship. Watch a knitting group sometime. You will see many generations of women able to cross the barriers of life and come together on a common field. The more experienced knitters love to teach their craft to the newbies. The newbies are soaking up this knowledge and showing ultimate respect for those who are experienced. The experienced knitters renew their excitement and love for their craft through the enthusiasm of the newbies.
Have you ever been somewhere and seen someone either knitting or crocheting? Each time I have been out knitting, inevitably someone asks me about my project. What a great way to connect with people. I find myself excited to see someone working on something, I am compelled to ask about it. Each conversation has been helpful and fun.
One particular experience sticks with me. I was in a Starbucks killing some time by knitting and enjoying my coffee. The place was very busy, it was kind of interesting to watch the hustle and bustle. Especially interesting was the dissatisfied woman who came in after receiving her coffee through the drive thru. She did not think they had made her Mocha the same as the other stores in town, she even accused them of not putting in mocha. The poor barista was trying very hard to fix her coffee. He gave it back to her three times to try, still no luck. He eventually pulled the Starbucks franchised recipe and remade the coffee. She still was not satisfied, but she took the coffee anyway. What has our world come to? But I digress, this is not the experience I was referring to. I was stunned watching this woman and the frustrated barista trying to please her, when I the man next to me asked..... "What are you knitting?" My shock turned to him. Who was this man savvy enough in needle craft to know I was knitting and not crocheting. Many people make the assumption that I am crocheting, because it is more familiar. I commented on his knowledge. He told me all about his wife and her love for knitting. We shared many stories. I gave him some sites for his wife to sell her pieces. It was so cool to have this conversation with a gentleman that I would not have shared anything in common with otherwise. I left the coffee house revived and excited about my knitting even more.
Knitting provides us with a wealth of benefits - the interesting people, the comaraderie, stress relief, an outlet for creativity, problem solving, boredom killer, and ------ last but not least, an awesome piece to wear and show off!!!!!
Shannon Henrici ? NWAtlantaMommies Member since August 2008
Signing A few short years ago, if you'd seen a parent and child using American Sign Language in a park or at a store, it would have been safe to assume that one of the two was Deaf. However there are now thousands of hearing parents teaching their hearing children how to sign basic words, due, in part, to the popularity of the hit PBS show Signing Time! Baby signing classes are popping up all over the United States as parents proudly showcase their toddlers' approximations of MILK and MORE, and it isn't only infants that are learning signs. How, and why, did this phenomenon come about?
Speech and Language professionals have been using American Sign Language signs to help hearing children communicate with their parents for over 25 years. The reason? Babies often have the motor skills and ability to understand communication far earlier than they are ready to begin oral speech (Robertson, 2007), and parents have found that sign language allows them to communicate with their children at as young as six months of age. Most people have seen pre-verbal children waving ?bye-bye? before they can say it, or raising their arms in an attempt to get someone to lift them up, and teaching children American Sign Language signs is the next logical step. Parents of signing children rave that their kids began talking early, grasped the concept of language very young, and have fewer temper tantrums because of their ability to communicate with their caregivers. Sign is also embraced by many parents of children with speech and other developmental delays, as most Speech and Language Pathologists agree that sign facilitates the acquisition of verbal communication (Robertson, 2007). Simply put, it works.
What about other parents, though? Those whose children are already verbal, and able to hear? Is there any reason for parents to work on teaching signs to their older, healthy and developmentally typical children? The benefits of teaching American Sign Language signs to preschool and elementary-aged children are threefold, positively affecting a child's cognitive, academic and social growth, besides the obvious advantage were the child ever to lose their hearing.
In the realm of cognitive development, it seems that children who learn sign have larger vocabularies than those who don't, and retain superior language skills even after they stop signing. A recent study compared ?groups of children who were exposed to sign for a single school year? with groups who were taught a similar curriculum without the use of sign language (Robertson, 2007). The researchers found that those children whose education had included manual communication developed better vocabulary skills during the year they were signing, and that they retained a larger vocabulary in the following year. At the end of the multiple-year study, the researchers found that ?the more varied ways a child is exposed to language, the more retention and learning of that language will take place? (Robertson, 2007).
A larger vocabulary would seem to be an academic boon, as well. However, knowing the rudiments of a second language gives a child an even more impressive edge on their classmates, and American Sign Language is recognized as its own language, separate from English (Wilcox, 1999). Most parents know that learning a second language is important, and the proliferation of early immersion programs at the elementary level show that Portland parents have grasped that younger children learn and retain new languages much easier than older children and adults. However, a York University study seems to indicate that having a second language actually changes the way the brain works, which allowed ?bilingual children [to] outperform monolingual students on tasks involving...abstract thinking, planning, initiating and inhibiting actions? (Exchange, 2010). Experience with another language is also a requirement for most colleges and universities in the United States.
So, it seems that signing with your child will make them smarter and help them do better in school, but did you know that it can also help them make the world a warmer and more inclusive place for others? Rachel Coleman, the creator of Signing Time! (and its Emmy-nominated star) has shared how her Deaf daughter, Leah, was ostracized on the playground and on her soccer team because the other children mistakenly believed she couldn't communicate with them. After a boy on Leah's soccer team refused to play with her, Rachel took a chance at the local school and volunteered to read and sign a story to the little boy's class. At the next practice, the boy ?rushed up to Leah signing, 'FRIEND-PLAY-BALL!'? Rachel continues, ?He wasn?t fluent in ASL. He hadn?t taken an ASL course. He only remembered three signs. Three signs changed their world!? (Examiner, 2010). Rachel's story illustrates how just a few signs mean that when a hearing child meets a Deaf child at school or encounters someone signing at their neighborhood park, the two won't have a language barrier to their friendship.
So, why do the parents of hearing children insist on their children learning American Sign Language signs? Because the knowledge will be good for their minds, good for their grades, and good for their hearts.
Sedlock, Heather. (2010). Examiner. ?Signing Time Videos to be aired on Nick Jr: Interview withcreator Rachel Coleman.? Retrieved from:http://www.examiner.com/x-/x-10560-Special- Needs-Kids-Examiner~y2010m1d4-
Written by Carissa Martos, member of Hands and Voices and the Oregon Association for the Deaf. Besides mothering her two special-needs kids, she runs PDX Loves Signing, holds a BA in English from UC Berkeley, and is working on her Master's in Teaching. To see more, please visit www.PDXLovesSigning.com
A Dad's Point of View: The Best Thing About Getting Older Is? I had lunch with a good friend the other day and the subjects we covered really made an impact on me, as I reflected on them. I had just come from a lesson in using social media, where I?m learning the new technologies that are popular in our culture now, such as Twitter, Facebook, Linkenin, Smart Phones, I-everythings, etc.
While I?m not a total novice, I do admit that every time a new ?thing? comes out, it fills me with dread. I face having to learn it, figure it out, and even understand it. Frankly, I did not ?get? Twitter at all until my lessons finally penetrated my middle-aged, failing hard-drive of a brain. And that was also after reading ?Twitter for Dummies?--and I?m not kidding.
My friend shared with me that he?d heard that every generation now has a six-year shelf life, meaning that every six years, you will be out-of-date and behind the current level of technology. So, his 10-year-old was losing to a four-year-old. It?s mind-boggling the speed of these changes in all our lives. And our children are growing up in the midst of it, knowing nothing different.
My boys don?t tweet, and aren?t interested. They text non-stop and do it at speeds I can?t even fathom. Where did they learn this? It?s mostly all thumbs vs. traditional typing, though their phones have typing pads that are laid out in the traditional way, albeit just a bit smaller. They don?t bother with voicemail, saying that they see who called with the ?missed call? function and therefore don?t bother. It?s the same when I call them. They just tell me they?ll see that I called, so they don?t listen to my messages, which I?ve stopped leaving, as I?ve had to adapt to their ways.
My biggest fear is that I?ve already become just like my parents, who could never figure out how to program their VCR, no matter how many times I impatiently taught them. I wrote it out, and I even made a video for them with step-by-step instructions. Now, I ask my younger son to program our DVR, as I always seem to forget how to do it. It?s payback time, I suppose.
My friend and I then discussed what I fear will be the most common topic of conversation as we grow older--aging, and all the medical maladies that go with it, starting with our dwindling memories. We each shared stories of what we?d forgotten that day, but then lost our train-of-thought, and hoped the other would remind us.
I stated my belief that our brains are like computer hard-drives and we?ve hit capacity, only unlike a computer hard-drive, there?s no delete button for those un-needed memories that I can?t lose, like the lyrics to ?Na Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye? (by Steam--I had to look that up on Google, naturally).
As we continued our conversation about aging, he took me through his medical mystery tour of trying to figure out how to deal with his genetic cholesterol problem. A master story-teller (he?s a very successful television producer), it was almost like hearing a mystery novel read out loud. He told of his investigation into the various options, all the doctors he visited, and his ultimate discovery that he was among the small percentage of people that had bad side effects from the most commonly prescribed drugs for controlling cholesterol.
Even pursuing a holistic approach was part of my friend?s journey. That included a special blood work-up from a lab in Florida that analyzed and suggested a diet tailored to his blood type and ethnic and genetic make-up. It included the natural ingredient of red yeast rice instead of the prescribed cholesterol drugs. A miracle occurred as his numbers fell to wonderfully healthy low levels.
But, after a couple of months, the same side effects returned of an aching back and soreness. It seems that the red yeast rice had the same side effect as the drugs, so he stopped the yeast but kept up the ?special? diet, and shortly thereafter his cholesterol levels were back up, off the charts, and bad.
A final suggestion from one of the doctors was to try taking omega fish oil. And, after eight years of investigation, numerous doctors, and everyone offering a different theory, this worked. And, it seems to have continued to work.
As is often the case with a good friend who you don?t see often enough, the lunch didn?t seem to last near long enough to finish all we wanted to talk about and catch up with each other?s lives. I discussed my wife?s similar medical problems, but in the mysterious world of hormones and menopause. She?s been at it for seven years with no end in sight and has similar negative reactions to the most commonly prescribed medicines and treatments. Maybe she?ll discover, via a psychic or healer, a secret herb that will do the trick?
All I know is that the discussion made me laugh. I also felt old, and grateful my genetics don?t include similar problems, especially menopause. I can?t help but wonder how the future will affect our children as both technology and medicine evolves?
As for offering the best thing about getting older, I have to admit it has nothing to do with what I?ve discussed in this column. I believe, as we get older, we have the opportunity, if we?ve learned from our mistakes, to handle all our personal relationships better.
Please visit www.brucesallan.com to contact Bruce and to enjoy the various features his new Web site offers, including an archive of his columns, contact info, links to his published work, photo galleries, and reader comments, plus much more. Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A Dad?s Point-of-View, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Find Bruce on Facebook by joining his ?A Dad?s Point-of-View? fan page: http://www.facebook.com/aDadsPointOfView. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here. And, you can also follow Bruce at Twitter: http://twitter.com/BruceSallan.
